MegaMan Will Be Watching!

 I struggled to release myself from the tape that bound my hands, but I failed even with my super strength.

How was possible?

Utilizing some type of super material in the production of this so called "duck tape", the Earthlings have discovered a weakness even I didn't know about. Were the utilizing some super hormone or emission from ducks?

Sick perverted Earthlings.

I decided that staying away from ducks in the future-as they may be dangerous-would be in my best interest. As the epic battle raged before me, I continued to twist and turn, futilely.

Men screamed.

Ladies cried.

At the onset it appeared to be a stalemate. Each moment a new skirmish started and another ended. I could not fathom the mayhem. I wondered if by some perverted twist of fate I was watching the beginning of the end.

Could this be it? The end of the world and I was restrained and forced to watch the perverted brawl pitting busts of silicone against against jocks on steroids.

Was this the end?

I watched as the brawling continued. Then a strange maneuver by the Lingerie team. As the Lingerie team removed their protective chest garments-the jocks from the NFL instantly entered a zombie like state of paralysis. 

This entire debacle although nearly a total waste of my time answered one puzzling idiosyncrasy of Earthling social behavior-why woman aren't allowed in combat. The female species gifted with these powerful weapons would tip the balance of any confrontation making any battle nearly impossible to continue. Perhaps I had found the key to peace on Earth.


Although the site was pleasant to my eyes, the debilitating effect upon earth's male species and its unpleasant symptoms-uncontrollable leakage from the side of the mouth, zombie like stare, mumbling, loss of confidence and ability to think-these were only my initial observations.  A moment of pity and sadness for the warriors embraced me and nearly produced leakage from my eyes, but my sense of duty and commitment helped me regain control.

I understood now, the fear the NFL and Peyton Manning had for these deceptively delicate creatures. Who needs muscles and brains with weapons as devastating breasts.

I made a mental note of the devastation and the symptoms. Then decided it would be best to study this phenomenon further and at a later date. Surmising that the liquid seeping from the sides of the NFL players mouths perhaps contributed to their inability to formulated any coherent words, I decided to turn away from these glands of annihilation.


Things such as"Ohmmgos" and"Nthe.."

The lingerie ladies subdued there adversaries. Then confronted me.

"So your MegaMan.." A lady with what I surmised had a weapon capable of inducing permanent disabilities  based on the proportions-that is if size is the determining factor. Being unsure of this I decided to simply make a mental note of this and study this phenomenon at a later date.

The immediate crisis demanded escape. Then returning to my duties of saving the world..

"Ah yes I am..."

I was interrupted by a chubby looking gentleman, with small vision enhancing lenses resting upon a bowling ball head.

As he spoke I tried to warn him of the devastating effect of these weapons. " Don't look at the Boobs.." I yelled.

The man in a commanding lisp responded. "Oh dear God no..The President would like to see you again MadMan..What nice tights you have on, I do so like the red and yellow leggins... oh..uh..Hi I'm Representative Barney Frank..we'd like to see you.."

"It seems your Monster Insurance has come under the scrutiny of my committee and the President would like to talk with you on this smoking thing...so come along now..."

I apologize for the diversion that I'm taking, but I find that as my popularity grows, also do my responsibilities. My last post had me identifying a possible flaw in the packaging of cigarette's.

This I believe is quite possibly a conspiracy by one group or another to destroy the human race using subterfuge. In essence the Surgeon General,who this General is I'm uncertain. But of this I do know; he has posted warnings on cigarettes and these warnings falsely stipulate`the hazards of cigarette smoking.

I have through my keen sense determined this to be false. Reading my previous post will get you up-to-date.

Anyway, my diversion happened during my efforts to locate the Surgeon General.

"Mam..may I borrow your cell phone it's an emergency." I asked the kindly looking young lady sitting next to me in the park. I spent much time contemplating my next move and decided that utilizing the long range communication devices, Earthlings call cell phones would be my best choice. I was committed to find this warrior Surgeon. I thought this an odd combination a Surgeon and a General, but perhaps only a deranged mind such as this could come up with a devious plot such as mislabeling cigarettes and getting countless smokers to quit merely to destroy humanity.

Truly a sick despicable individual.

As I began placing my call a stranger approached me. He seemed vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite place his face. Later, I learned he is a superstar, in stature and popularity approaching my own.

"You MegaMan..You don't look like any kind of superhero that I've ever seen before, but you come highly recommended. So.." The tall muscular gentleman in a deep commanding tone confronted me, hesitating for a moment contemplating his next statement.

"Yes I'm MegaMan..they call me a Madman.."

"Yeh, Yeh..You need to come with us, we have a most pressing matter that needs your attention." He said cutting me off rudely.

"I'm sorry, but I'm on a project of dire importance to the salvation of planet Earth..it seems that your smoking sticks or cigarettes as they are called have been mislabeled making earthlings believe that they are in fact hazardous to their health..and if you follow my writings..."

"Hey you Mad?" the man said. "Listen my Name is Peyton Manning and I'm a big time football star for the Indianapolis Colts..and you have been recommended to me and my associates to save the National Football League." Peyton Manning as he identified himself responded not in the confident voice he'd used only moments ago, but in a dejected almost embarrassed voice.

I felt sorry for him instantly. But I had my priorities and saving the NFL, whatever that might be, would have to wait.

"I was prepared for your refusal..unfortunately I don't think you understand the importance of this endeavor. You must come." he spoke more determined now, but still my mind was made up.

"I'm sorry..but.."

I watched as Peyton Manning motioned to a black van parked about a half block away. The van sped to a halt 10 yards from myself and Mr.Manning. The door opened. Men from the NFL, flew out.

They attacked me.
 
Sandwiched between two giants, I dropped.

Ladies screamed.

Peyton barked orders.

My head throbbed .

I was dragged into the van.

Iin the van, two football thugs from the NFL, wrapped my hands in duck tape behind my back. My mouth was duct taped.

The tires screeched signaling a dramatic increasing speed gravity sensing the opportunity of my weakened state pulled me to the floor. I banged my head.

We drove for about half an hour. Then stopped.

"Ok here's the problem." Peyton Manning showed me a report. With some excellent undercover reporting Tricia from Everything Bikini has the full story. (Warning: if seeing scantily clad women in shoulder pads in and helmets offends you please read on or if seeing scantily clad women in shoulder pads and helmets sounds more appealing than this site, please stay here.)

" I fail to see ...."

 Peyton slapped me across the face. As he raised his arm to slap me again a garrote resembling a pair of pink panties wrapped around his neck.


 Peyton turned as blue as the Indianapolis Colts jersey he wore.

Hundreds of scantily clad women in lingerie, football helmets and shoulder pads screamed onto the scene . Peyton dropped to the floor, out of breathe as the linebackers in lingerie and muscle-heads of the NFL began to clash.

 Screams and grunts filled the air as the battle for the hearts and minds of every red-blooded American male raged.

Would hooters and Hormones win the hearts and minds of American teenage fantasies? Or the dreams of being a macho and muscular football star with the NFL fill their dreams?

I suspect on this battle field much was at stake.

As the carnage continued, a man dressed sharply, with bold tinted sunglasses, dropped from a whole in the roof with a Mega Phone blaring.."excuse me Ladies in Lingerie and Men from the NFL.

Like someone had hit the pause button the fighting stopped. 

"I'll let you get back to your carnage in a moment." The rapper continued. "but let me just say MegaMan the Madman has one of the greatest blogs I've seen this year."


Thank You..The man bolted from the riot. 

For a moment the rioters looked at each other, frozen in punches,bites,scratches and kicks, then a scream and a crack and the fighting continued.

******************************************************************************

 In Washington the President received a briefing from one of his newly appointed czars. Dutifully named the Jackass Identification, Tracking and Czar.

 "That jackass Kanye West is at it again?"

I dashed out of the auditorium, not daring to look back at the carnage. Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber battled and fought with The President and his nuts, or men from ACORN.

The fighting was furious as plungers and Acorns zipped and zinged through the air.

I was glad to be out of the fray. After my preview of politics and politicians I decided to take a well-deserved break from the political arena and the heavy weight leaders and mingle with the ordinary people of the Earth. Perhaps I would do better to consult with my friends from Just Politics?, The Right Truth and Social Solutions to get some answers on how to proceed. They certainly have an insight into the world of politics that I so desperately need at this time.


I just didn't know where to start. I decided to walk, not that I had much of a choice. My RV was lost, somewhere and I guess I could ride the bus or take a taxi..But where would I go?

Yes walking would do me good. Maybe something would give me a new direction, something new, a new cause.

I walked for several blocks oblivious of my surroundings.

I stopped at a crosswalk,waiting for the light. Two women standing just to my right grabbed my attention.

The woman on the right a particularly large woman, with painted red hair juggled an umbrella and a purse as large, black and loaded with personality as her dress and mannerisms. She shuffled happily the contents of her purse, rustling the contents to the left and right, until she located her treasure.

She pulled the small carton out of her purse, pulled a small white stick from the carton, lit the stick with a miniature fire starter and inhaled.

This I understand is a cigarette. And the procedure she is undertaking is smoking.

She held the smoke in her lungs for a moment of Ecstasy before exhaling the smoke in amorphous cloud of pleasure.

"Ahh. that hits the spot...Want one.." she asked. Her tone I took to be sarcastically directed to her companion on her left. This I confirmed after the women to the left; A particularly fit woman, in a tightly fitting workout suit more resembling body paint than a fabric designed to be clothing.

"God No..Sis when are you going to quit that habit..." The woman began in a manically rapid response of consonants and vowels. Frankly they flew from her mouth so quickly and frantically one could barely comprehend the meanings. Although I understood them to be words.

"Hey I'll probably live longer than you..sis...and I have a lot more fun.." She laughed with delight despite the angry and obnoxious tone of the sibling she walked with.

"Excuse me..I understand that procedure your partaking in is called smoking, but I know little of it and I'm interested in studying your world..may I see the sticks." I asked.

The woman laughed jovially. "Why yes,that's the politest way anyone bummed a cigarette of me, but hey I'm always willing to help."

She handed me the carton of cigarettes. I studied the box of cigarettes, pulled a cigarette out and studied the strange tube shaped object called a cigarette.

"Strange.. and you inhale this?" I asked.

"Yes..it brings a sense of relaxation. It is bad for you health though. I keep telling myself that I'm going to quit." the large flamboyant woman said sadly."Oh by the way my name is Grace..and yours?" She asked waiting for my response.

The woman with the painted body interrupted. "What are you doing talking to this madman in tights.. he looks like a freak." she stated.

"I'm MegaMan they call me a Madman, but really I'm from Pronghornia a planet many light years from this one, very much farther advanced. I was sent here to save your world from imminent destruction. The cause of which I am unsure of..that is why I am out on the street mingling with the common citizens..And in reading this statement..That smoking is bad for your health and can cause life threatening diseases and looking at the number of people inhaling this material..this may be the cause. Your Surgeon General may be the person I wish to speak to next. This is amazing that people still.."

I was interrupted by a loud clamoring in the skies and a downpour of rain. The painted clothes lady opened the umbrella over her head, the other woman continued smoking her cigarette, seemingly enjoying the rain. I have to admit it felt good.

The other woman apparently upset that her hair would be ruined. Cried out..

She dashed across the road. Another large clamor and a flash of light, then an explosion of hairspray, make-up and cellulite and other organic matter flew randomly through the air finding several innocent pedestrians and impaling them with a variety of sharp organic and inorganic. The pedestrians grabbed various locations of there body as patches of red stained their clothes and pooled in the miniature lakes and streams formed by the downpour.

As I surveyed the carnage and looked at the survivors of the tragedy..I knew that the Surgeon General was wrong. Smoking saves lives. The only survivors were all smoking cigarettes.

I needed to warn the world and find this Surgeon General,this may be how the world will perish.

I hated to bother my friend President Obama, but I knew he was a smoker and perhaps he may shed some light on this and introduce me to the Surgeon General.

I hope he wouldn't hold a grudge against me for spoiling his show.

"Good Evening ladies and Gentlemen and welcome back to The Greatest Show on Earth, me." President Obama continued. "With the success of our earlier show, The Bailout Price is Right behind us we are now moving on to the talent portion of our show. Tonight we have three contestants vying for an extension of their lives. All three are currently suffering from various maladies and..our esteemed panel here will determine if they shall receive the treatments, based on their talents and overall future contribution to my...uh our country. OK now on to the show..Oh wait it seems that it is time for a message from our sponsors."

The lights went dim. The crowd stirred. A cough.

A disgruntled comment. The lights return.

"Hello, everyone..now a word from our sponsors, me. Now who did you expect, do you think the world needs any other opinion but my own. Come on now.. This one is directed to the children." The President spoke arrogantly.

"Now kids I want you all to stay in school. Get good grades and keep an eye on your parents for me. Should you see anything strange occurring, anything out of the ordinary..then let me know..you'd be doing me the President a great favor." The President paused.

Then began again. "Like what your parents talk about or ask..like talking bad about your man main..me..or speaking their minds openly. This is only a free country if you agree with me and let me know if your parents organize any sort of protest or gathering against my policies. And again after all the freedom of speech you learn about in school is only valid for policies I support. And kids, If their is anything important to say I'll say it to you..disregard your parents beliefs or value systems..I that knows all..And If you see they are against any of my policies, please let me know. Because I am your main man..Now back to our show."

"Our first contestant, Mrs. Avery snow an eighty year old cancer patient in need of hip surgery, hey if it was my Grandmother I'd just pay for it myself, but I'm me..the main man...and we can't afford to be bailing corporations out, offering cash incentives for foreign autos and providing necessary surgery for our citizens.." The President paused.

Then continued exhilarated. "We have another new program for you, again designed by me to correct all the problems of the nation. People these are well-thought out solutions to long-standing problems caused by those crazy wing-nuts. But never fear Obama is near."

The President continued after taking a pause and a drink of water placed before him on the podium. "Hey does everyone like my cute girly jeans..anyway...Our new show will be Survivor."

Now with this Survivor-from the State of California-we will take public and government employees that haven't been paid,, place them in the Alaskan wilderness and run them through survival challenges that even the Terminator would struggle with. Our guest host will be none other than the Former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin...Hey I made a joke...nobodies laughing.."

On cue the men from acorn goose-stepped into the aisles, loaded their slingshots and the crowd laughed unemotionally. It seemed to please King Obama.

"The winner will receive not only back pay, but be guaranteed from the Federal Government a paycheck...just as soon as we figure out how to pay all the dealers we promised money to in the cash for clunkers deal.."

Something didn't sit right with this whole scenario...I stood up and boldly asked..."Mr President...I've learned a lot from my first several months on this planet...I must say I just don't understand..Why your here putting on a show, that appears to be nothing other than a show..."

An acorn struck me in the back of the head. Another one hit me on the cheek.

Then I heard an explosion.

The wall exploded and the concrete chunks catapulted in an elaborate pattern of chaos. Smoke filled the hole. Slowly the smoke dissipated and revealed a familiar form.

Dressed in a red, white and blue one piece swimsuit costume was my friend and side kick The Former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.

Men armed with plungers stormed into the auditorium.

Acorns flew.

Plungers flew back from the loyal army of Joe the Plumber.

A powerful, charismatic voice told me to sprint for The Palinator..

Despite not seeing anything.

I complied.

I have to admit that I don't think this President is going to save anything..

And I didn't like being a judge on his show...I would catch it on television. And report back to you...I have more to learn...Much more...