MegaMan Will Be Watching!

 Let me first apologize for being late on my post; it seems that I keep attracting the most disreputable of characters. Well when you read the entire post you'll understand my trials and tribulations.

 All is not lost, I have millions in free money, at least at the moment it seems to be free. And I had won the Nobel Peace prize for my thoughts of bringing peace to the world.

 Anyway, I have my mission.

 I spent three days healing my wounds, and after the three days I was still sick and foaming at the mouth, a mystery. Perhaps this is the initial stages of swine flu?

I decided to consult with one of your physicians about my strange symptoms and the wound on my ear. Generally I heal much faster than this and the wound seemed to be infected. Was this some sort of top-secret poison passed on by the President? Was he jealous that I too was trying to save the world? Surely the both of us can save the world. Is there not enough destruction and death that the two of us can't find some dispute, war or calamity to bring to a resolution.

  This being an emergency, I decided on the emergency room. After all, I had millions from the government to start a company, a world to save and I was at home in bed foaming at the mouth.

 OK so I got out of bed, got dressed and started out the door of my still unfurnished loft apartment in downtown Indianapolis.

 As I was just about ready to depart, three large white men break down the front door and storm into the living room. Two of the men searched the apartment quickly, then return to the living room.

 "Mr. MegaMan, I see you have a considerable cut on your ear there." The burly barrel-chested man said. He pointed with a pudgy, hairy finger adorned with the largest ring I'd ever seen. The red ruby glowed and the diamonds glistened. The man was an intimidating presence.

 "Uh yes..I was bit" I wanted to tell the man by whom, but thought better of it.

 "By whom? May I ask?" he answered.

  "I'd rather not say."

   "Oh I completely understand your reservations, but may I state that the dent in your forehead will be worse than your little nibble on your ear." He stated emphatically as he slammed his right-ringed hand now clenched into a fist into his other hand.

   "I see.." I surmised that this may not be the time to utilize my superhuman strength and fighting ability; so I placated his request. If he didn't believe me. I would make up a lie. Not that I believe in that sort of thing, but here on earth it seemed to be a common form of communication. Almost acceptable.  "It was President Obama, yes I know it's.."

  I was interrupted. "We know..we represent a group that..well shall we say is against the President's plan to offer nationalized Monster Insurance. I would like you to meet the head lobbyist for ELG..Elf Lobbying Group"..(Thanks Harrison for the inspiration, we all need some at some point.)

 A short man, less than 3 feet tall walked into the room wearing green dress and green tights,with a triangular hat and pointed ears.

 "Mr. MegaMan, sorry I'm late..I see you've met my partner, Frank N. Stien. 

 "We would like your support. Obviously this would ruin your business and it frankly is not the way to bring Monster Insurance into every home. Mr. MegaMan we have a way that all of us can make a tidy some of money..  

  ***************************************************************************

Meanwhile at the White House..

"OK..who do we have on the list now.." The President demanded.

"Sir we have Fox news,all Republicans, insurance companies, capitalists..." The attorney general continued on with what an uninformed observer would believe was a Christmas list, but was in reality a list the President was making of potential enemies.

"What about the Democrats.." The President added.

 "Aren't we Democrats sir.." The attorney general added shyly.

 "Uh yeah but just in case add them, you never know about the Liberals.. and that fucking MegaMan add him to, hey what about that kid, the maids son...."

 "What about him sir and sir aren't we Liberals.."

  "The maids son..well he didn't bow when I passed. I'm royalty aren't I. And the Liberals..well never know about them..better keep an eye on them..the boy..well he might be a problem in the future. and what about the clerk at the grocery store and the..."

 "Sir we aren't royalty yet.."

  The President continued into the wee hours of the night..

Oh you better not watch fox,
better not seek the truth,
better watch MSNBC,
I'm telling you why
Obama Claus is coming to town..
he's making his list,
checking it twice,
gonna find out who's tuning to fox,
Obama Claus is comin to town..
He sees you when tune to fox,
He knows when you disagree,
Obama Claus is comin to town..

Author note:Hey give me a break..I can't dance either...

I wasn't sure how all this would save the world, but I was leaving the halls of Congress with grants and checks worth millions to start my Monster Insurance company. Read here to learn of the ground-breaking idea that started the entire company. I had plenty of new friends and business associates to help me with the legal and technical aspects of setting up a company and I was enthused that after only four months I had friends in both the legislative and the executive branch of government.This I knew would serve benefit my aspirations to save the world.

Despite the long and technical explanations on how and where this money came from and how it would create jobs and stimulate the economy, I accepted the money. I just didn't understand the economic theories behind where the money was coming from, but hey what the hell, I still hadn't figured out who Santa Claus is either. My suspicions are that this Santa Claus provides some sort of training or indoctrination for future Congressional and Political leaders on how to pass out gifts and favors for those who are nice to them.

I should study this Santa Claus economic theory, it might benefit my business at a later date.

I decided to set up my corporate headquarters in Indianapolis. This is where I started after all.

I purchased my ticket, boarded the plane and headed back.

During my flight to Indianapolis, I received a phone call from a gentleman identifying himself as a member of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee.

"Mr. MegaMan..I am Gunther Bugerhiemr and I represent the Nobel Peace Prize Committee. I understand that you are an alien visitor..from let me see here the planet Pronghornia? Is that correct?" The man seemed quite official and I suspected deserved the utmost of respect from me.

"Yes Sir.."

" I understand that you are here to save the world? Is that correct?" his questions were short and official.

 "Yes Sir"

 "What are you going to to do for the world and please be brief."

 "I'm going to stop hunger, stop killing, stop torture,..." The entire list of plans for saving mankind took over 20 minutes to explain to him. "Oh and really I despise this practice of stepping on ants..we have to stop that, save the ants..they to are creatures and save flies, after all flies are living creatures as such and having world leaders such as President Obama going around killing innocent flies..well if earth is to have peace all life forms have to.."

"I've heard enough.." The phone went dead. I scratched my head wondering what that was all about.

My plane landed. I got off and with my Santa Claus stimulus money, I rented a loft apartment in downtown Indianapolis.

The next day the doorbell rang. In front of me stood President Barrack Obama. He slapped me across the face, rather wimpish if I might say so.

The President looked about ready to explode. Seconds later, he tackled me. Then he bit my ear. Then he punched me. I easily pushed him off me. As my ear bled, he yelled for the secret service to hold me down. Several large men in black suits and dark sun-glasses restrained me. I would have shaken them off with my super-powers, but I suspected angering the Prez any further may endanger my planned Monster Insurance Corporation and my plans to save the world.

As the secret service restrained me the President punched me.

He continued to yell and scream. "Where is it..you stole my award..you fucking alien bastard. I promised to bring peace, I kissed every Arabian ass I could find, I kissed the Europeans asses, the Chinese asses, the Gays Asses..I promised everything to everyone to get that prize..I want it.." Then he began to cry.

Frankly I was confused.

The secret service searched my empty luxury loft apartment.

As the President left he said. "I'll find the Nobel Peace Prize you bastard..and when I do I'm taking it back..Cause I'm the President and I can do anything I want. So there." Then he stuck his tongue out at me, swiveled around on the balls of his toes and stormed angrily down the hall.

I shrugged my shoulders, scratched my bald head and returned to my apartment confused.

Minutes later I received a phone call from Gunther. " We have stripped the Peace Prize from the President and given it to you..you may at some later future date bring much more peace to the world than President Obama. And that's what it's for after all. The best Bullshitter with the best bullshit on how he or she is going to bring peace to the world..You are truly a great bullshitter. Congratulations on winning the Nobel Peace Prize.."

Wow I won The Nobel Peace Prize..I was a hero..

 Mr. Frank escorted me with his entourage rather briskly back to Washington. After our arrival a luxurious black limousine drove us to the Senate building. Upon arrival at the Senate, the entourage escorted me to a briefing room, with a large mahogany table in the center of the room. Mingling about the room was a determined looking group men and women. The men were dressed in matching black suit coats and bright red ties. The women were dressed similarly, rather starkly in black high heels and black skirts with white blouses. Truly, a intimidating site, enough so that I wondered what I had done incorrectly.

"Have a seat please Mr. Megaman...we have much to discuss with you today and..oh I am rude, would you like a cup of coffee, soda or anything..I know you've had a long trip and this meeting may last into the wee hours of the night." Mr. Frank motioned for me to sit. I took a seat at the end of the table and shortly there after the group took their seats.

The portly gentleman I knew as Mr. Frank, sat at the opposite end of the table from me and introduced the rest of the team. "On your right are my esteemed colleagues from the Republican side of the House and Senate and to your left the Democratic Representatives and Senators. Seated amongst them are the interest they represent. Now the..."

"Wow truly you are great leaders inviting ordinary men from your districts to participate in government, truly.." I cut in abruptly.

"I thought you said this guy was intelligent."

 "Idiot" This and similar comments were passed around the room with a helping of laughter. Originally believing these comments were derogatory, especially the term "asshole" which I distinctly heard on several occasions I surmised possibly they were compliments, since why would they keep requesting my presence. I decided to put this on hold and study it at a later date. In addition I decided I needed a better understanding of Earth's slang.

Bringing the meeting back to focus the man at the end of the table cleared his throat and said. "OK my esteemed colleagues, Mr. Megaman here..began a highly lucrative business selling, Monster insurance, that came to the attention of this committee. This monster insurance has been un-regulated by any agency within this government and surprisingly without any government assistance. I wonder how long before disastrous results occur that hurt the American people is seemingly potentially disastrous, so we need to utilize our capabilities as law-makers and come to a resolution that will benefit the American people as well as our business and industry leaders." Everyone nodded in agreement, although I really didn't understand a single word he'd just said. I surmised that if I'd gone to a public-funded school I'd be able to understand this confusion.

"Mr. Megaman, now you sold this insurance originally to..and the gentleman went on to describe the history of it..You may read more intensely on the subject here Monster Insurance.

"It seems this insurance is a great success and is providing a great service to America, but we feel your leaving some Americans out. ." After shuffling through the large stack of papers sitting on the table before him and returning his reading lenses to the top of his bald head, the man began again. "I see no mention here of you providing coverage for an unwanted pregnancy caused by Bigfoot. Sir I ask you are you for or against abortion."

"Uh sir..I was under the impression that Big Foot was a hoax."

"Sir answer the question..My colleagues and I think that we need to pass a mandate to this Monster Insurance to cover an accidental pregnancy from BigFoot..This will show our support and determination for the rights of women to make choice..."

A man from the right stood and yelled. "All forms of life have a right to live..We have no right to end any life that is involved in developing..."

Both sides parried back and forth with this strange non-nonsensical language which I just couldn't understand. It seemed almost to have been invented to take up air space but actually had no logical meaning. I decided to wait until the banter subsided.

The argument continued between the left side of the table and the right side, back and forth with no compromise in sight, I could see why this would take many hours.

Finally a man rose from the right-side of the table and spoke.."We have a compromise for you...If you add coverage for exorcisms in the bill, then we can allow the BigFoot impregnation.."

"Absurd your trying to impose God into this..forcing your beliefs on every American citizen.."

The banter went on for several more hours arguing and posturing, finally I stood and yelled. "Monster insurance is mine and I'll offer any service I wish..this is a free country.." I paused originally confident but after seeing the amusement and annoyance in their faces, my confidence dissolved.'Isn't it?"

"What an idiot." was the most prominent phrase. I slouched down into my chair and watched as the meeting continued.

The meeting ended with mandates and regulations which seemed to be written in the same non-nonsensical language in which they were previously speaking.

But I was now a CEO of Monster Insurance INC.